Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Depressed and Lazy don't go together

Sometimes I get the blues. I get fustrated. I hate not working. I do a lot of volunteering to take my mind off the situation for a bit. It helps most of the time. I like to be busy. I enjoy helping others. I feel positive and passionate about several subjects, which I'm pretty vocal about. LGBT rights and equality, domestic violence, equality for women, education funding, medicaid expansion, voter's rights, David Bowie. *snicker* Most of you should have expected David Bowie to pop up. I believe in the public option for health care, but I'll take and fight for medicaid expansion. For Montana medicaid we have a spend down of $101.00. That means anything we earn over $645.00 I have to write a check to Montana medicaid and they pay for Jerramie for that month. Jerramie's 20% of dialysis is $22,000 a year. That's what I made in a year. That wouldn't count doctor appointments, blood tests, stress tests, surgeries, medical procedures, ambulance rides, ER visits in the middle of the night, and medication. Medication alone would kill me. His Renvela is $2,000 a month. He needs it as none of the other binders will work and he has to take it 4-5 times a day. Want to see someones veins turn to bone, neither do I. Medicaid is basically covering the $20,000 a month that I couldn't cover even if I worked. I am grateful that I can pay $101 and they'll cover the expenses that medicare doesn't cover, and that Shane has medicaid. It aggrieves me that I haven't had health insurance in three years. Keep in mind that all of this occurred before "Obamacare" went into effect, therefore Jerramie was denied being on my insurance at work, therefore I had to quit so he would qualify for medicaid so he could have surgery less than a month
later for dialysis. He started renal failure with ICU, it was caught late despite being taken the doctor several times and being told nothing was wrong. At $746 we make too much for medicaid and not enough to afford medical coverage for me. It aggravates me that in order for people in my house to stay covered, I can't work. If I work I would have to hand them my entire paycheck and the $101 from Jerramie's social security as well. Shane would lose his medicaid, food stamps, section 8, and we would still only have $645 to survive on. The first year and an half after I paid rent, I only had enough for the power bill. It took a year and an half to get section 8. I am very, very grateful to have rental assistance and food stamps. I'm glad that we did not have to uproot my child during a time when so much was changing and he needed all the stability we could provide. Without these we would be homeless. Shane wouldn't be. He'd live with one of his grandmas. It would kill me to be away from my son. I would do anything for Shane. Pride has nothing to do it. Your job as a parent is to make sure your child has a home, food, clothing, healthy, 
and feels secure. It bothers me a great deal that I am unable to provide for my family without harming them. How's that for a head trip? I won't divorce Jerramie just so I can work. If I did he would be screwed over. Three people in the household is the magical number for the services that Shane and Jerramie need for the amount we make. Two people in the household would raise his spend down, lower his food stamps, and the child support check would over qualify him for it all. I've thought and researched it both ways. I'm trapped in a cycle of forced poverty. Poor to keep my husband alive. If they bring the work requirement back, I will have to at the least be legally separated, move out, and get a job; either way Jerramie would be screwed. My hope is for medicaid expansion. Raise the amount for eligibility, let Jerramie qualify without a spend down, let me go to work and keep my marriage and family whole without harm. Let me pay taxes and have my self worth back. For the people who argued against the public option and currently against medicaid expansion; I ask this of you, what harm have I done to you?

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